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Ramblings & Musings

The unBossy Doulas

11/16/2016

2 Comments

 
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Hi, loyal readers! Here’s a topic that all three of you can get on board with - we will NOT tell you what to do in pregnancy or in birth. Of all the things Kate and I are (Funny? Smart? Maybe. A little weird, definitely), we’re certainly not bossy (though our spouses and kids may beg to differ. Good thing they don’t read our blog!) Particularly to our clients.
No one likes being bossed around, especially in a vulnerable situation such as pregnancy and birth. So I wanted to tell you a little about the AthensBorn ‘birth philosophy’ … get ready, this is big.
We will NOT boss you around. We will NOT tell you what to do. We don’t make decisions for our clients, we don’t tell them what’s best for them, we don’t even give out our personal opinions if we can avoid it. We want each client to own their decisions, from which pediatrician to choose to where they give birth to what they wear while in labor. We offer helpful tips, we share our experience and what we’ve learned, and we try to stay on top of evidence-based information so we can share that too. But, we will not decide what each client should do!
“Why???” you ask. WHY?
Because it’s not OUR birth! It’s not our baby, it’s not our body, and we don’t get to make the decisions that affect those things. We support parents in the way they need, in the way that’s right for them. We don’t draw a lot of lines in the sand, because it’s not our job to police your choices.
Another thing I want to point out - other doulas may practice differently, and it’s not our job to police them, either! There’s a doula out there for every couple who wants one, and each couple deserves to find one who fits in with their own philosophy and needs. We just wanted you to know how we practice.
And, you know what? You don’t even have to believe me just because I wrote this. You’re welcome to contact us and see what we’re all about. Or not. It’s your choice <3

Love,
Becca
2 Comments

Howdy, Partner.

11/5/2016

0 Comments

 
AthensBorn Birth Services - Partners
Our words matter. They communicate our needs, express our feelings, and set expectations for things to come. As doulas, we often find ourselves choosing words carefully because of the power they hold in emotional situations. There’s one certain word that we often hear in birth communities that has always rubbed me the wrong way. I’ve never really cared for the word “coach” when talking about a partner’s role during labor and birth. I’m not sure how the term came about, but I suspect it was an attempt to give fathers a “gender-appropriate” role as society allowed them to start coming into the delivery room to witness the births of their children. What can I say? The history of childbirth is fraught with both strange and sexist ideas. Regardless of its origins, Becca and I don’t find ourselves using it when talking to clients.

The term “coach” is most often used to describe a person who has experience and expertise in a certain area and uses their skills to improve another person’s technique. Does this sound like a fair and reasonable label for a newly expecting parent? I think not.

There certainly are times when a significant other has seen labor before and may have even given birth, themselves...but, even these individuals are unlikely to claim expertise. And, what about those who have zero experience? “Hey, I know you’ve never been to a game before, but it’s time to get in there and tell her how to do this thing right!” Yikes. Talk about pressure to perform. Words are important, so let’s choose a word that doesn’t totally freak people out by asking them to coach a high-stakes game in a sport they’ve never played before.

At AthensBorn, we prefer to use the term “partner”...and not just because we’re in the south and it sounds great with the accent. (It does.) But, because two people moving through a labor and birth are, in fact, partners. And, there is no one right way to be a partner. Some partners want to be right in the midst of labor, holding their loved one up, massaging her back, reminding her to breathe. Some partners are a little nervous...they are present and loving but also need support, guidance, and reassurance themselves from time to time. Some partners are deeply anxious and fearful in these types of situations and are not able to provide hands-on, physical support during labor but they still want to be present for that miracle moment of their child entering the world. A doula can help facilitate any one of these situations...and she’ll do it judgment-free.

Whatever kind of partner you see yourself being, your thoughts, hopes, and wishes for the birth matter. As doulas, we want to get to know you during the pregnancy, too. We want to know what you’re looking forward to, what you’re worried about, and understand how we can best support you. You don’t need an in-depth understanding of the intricacies of birth to be a great partner (hey, that’s why you hired a doula, right?). You don’t need coaching skills, you simply need love and compassion. No one knows your partner better than you and that's irreplaceable during labor. We’ve been to many births with many devoted partners who each found a way to support their loved ones during birth.

Trust us...you’ll find your own best way, too.

Take care,
Kate
0 Comments

    Kate & ​Becca

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  • HOME
  • ABOUT
    • KIND WORDS
    • FAQ
    • DOULA APPRENTICESHIPS
    • BLOG
  • SERVICES
    • BIRTH DOULA PACKAGES >
      • LABOR DOULA PACKAGE
      • APPRENTICE LABOR DOULA PACKAGE
      • CESAREAN BIRTH PLANNING PACKAGE
      • LAST MINUTE DOULA SERVICES
    • PLACENTA ENCAPSULATION
    • LACTATION SUPPORT >
      • Lactation Consultations
      • Pregnant & Planning Ahead
      • Lactation Education & Classes
      • Lactation & Insurance
    • POSTPARTUM SUPPORT
    • GIFT CERTIFICATES
  • CLIENTS
    • Online Forms
    • Local Resources
    • FAQs
    • Community Connections
    • Insurance Reimbursement
  • CONTACT
  • EVENTS AND HAPPENINGS
    • Movement & Positioning Workshop
  • AthensBorn Shop
    • Shop Birth Doula Services
    • Shop Lactation Services
    • Shop Postpartum Services
    • Shop Placenta Services